I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
