i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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