It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
