We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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