Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Your penis caused this!
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize