is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
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