He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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