He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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