i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
