I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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