pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
