there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
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