I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
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The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
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