Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
be right there i have to get my cape
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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