Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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