i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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