I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
