Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Randomize
