see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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