smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
