Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
