Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
