she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
