i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
