i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
worst night to have a conscience
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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