I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
