I hate your face
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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