my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
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