smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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