Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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