I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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