so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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