Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
