Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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