Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
