god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
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