Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You need a sexual gate keeper
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
