She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
