The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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