I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
