We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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