The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
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how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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