There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
