Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
