We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
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I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
MIDGETS
????
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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