Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
