i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
