you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize