im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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