ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
