let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
