If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
