We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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