You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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