she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
