i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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