He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
