And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
