My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
