What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
