last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Randomize
