Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
